My Indigo Sea

Seamuskitty's Blog

2010-02-15T19:59:00.005-05:00

Hello all! I have moved to another site to do my blogging. See me at http://www.seamuskitty.com/

Thanks for reading!

Ace Attacks

2009-04-11T08:53:00.001-04:00

Shine and the cat door

2009-04-04T20:47:00.001-04:00

Sunday Afternoon nap

2009-03-31T19:23:00.003-04:00

No Tabbies Allowed!

2009-03-31T19:23:00.001-04:00

Unforgettable Shine Arrives

2009-03-02T11:05:00.001-05:00

A quiet evening at home

2009-02-10T20:37:00.001-05:00

Ahhhhh!!!

2009-01-31T21:52:00.002-05:00

King is dead of FIP

2009-01-28T22:38:00.001-05:00

Cuddle Cat Meditation

2009-01-16T16:08:00.001-05:00

Bengal kittens really can relax!

From Eyebrows to Camera

2009-01-10T19:00:00.001-05:00

My random Saturday...and a near hairdo mishap!

Seamus smack down!

2009-01-06T10:15:00.001-05:00

Seamus and the flying monkeys

2008-12-30T14:24:00.001-05:00

12 Fact Tag vlog 2 through 12

2008-12-23T07:20:00.003-05:00

Seamuskitty 12 Fact tag 1

2008-12-23T07:20:00.001-05:00

Leave my tail alone!!

2008-12-23T07:19:00.001-05:00

Jingle Bell on a Quilt

2008-12-16T18:41:00.001-05:00

Three month old Bengal Boy Kittens Ace and King

2008-12-14T18:58:00.001-05:00

I know I am overly concerned with the health of my Bengal kittens I can't help it. They are already much bigger than Mariah was when she was 4 1/2 months old. Ace and King are only 3 months old. This video just shows how excited I am that they are thriving!!

Seamus and the little pests!

2008-12-09T06:35:00.001-05:00

Make sure to click "watch in high quality" once on youtube!

Seamus-Ace-King 0002

2008-12-07T15:17:00.003-05:00

Seamus-Ace-King

2008-12-07T15:17:00.001-05:00

No layoff for Seamuskitty!

2008-12-06T00:30:00.001-05:00

Layoffs-Who will be voted off the island?

2008-12-04T21:30:00.001-05:00

A Study in Elvis

2008-12-02T09:39:00.001-05:00

Turkey Vlog 2008

2008-11-27T08:55:00.001-05:00

Kittens come home 11-22-08

2008-11-22T23:07:00.001-05:00

And their names are....

New hair color and kitten names

2008-11-22T09:08:00.000-05:00

Find more videos like this on VloggerHeads

Mariah lost video

2008-11-20T10:18:00.001-05:00

This is footage I never made a video of. I had to use it. This is my last video I will make of Mariah.

Seamus folds laundry!

2008-11-19T07:38:00.001-05:00

Bengal cat Mariah plays with toys re-edited

2008-11-16T20:40:00.001-05:00

Elvis enjoys time with Dad

2008-11-13T22:39:00.001-05:00

Bengal Cat Woodland Bing Bing and Babies 11-2-08

2008-11-13T13:13:00.001-05:00

This is video from our trip to see the kittens. I fell in love with the kitten as he played with his mommy's tail on the chair!

Which Bengal kitten?

2008-11-13T13:02:00.001-05:00

FYI--We are taking both kittens! They are BOYS!

Julie and Dean go to see Bengal kittens

2008-11-13T07:30:00.001-05:00

Our youtube debut!

Video Catch up--Kittens!!

2008-11-08T12:32:00.002-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8cFMgn2hbE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2dQbsjApgrM

Thanks everyone

2008-10-25T08:59:00.003-04:00

I just wanted to say thank you to all the people who have expressed sympathy for the loss of Mariah and Shelby this week. It is just amazing how many people loved them like they were their own kitties because they have seen the videos on my youtube channel.

So to my friends on youtube, bengalchatter, bengaltalk, bengals-L and facebook---THANK YOU!

And to my friends from church and work---THANK YOU!

And to my family--THANK YOU!

And to Missy Strayer of Woodlandbengals.com--THANK YOU!

We love you all. We got through the week because of your support and now we are going on.

I miss Shelby and Mariah

2008-10-23T23:29:00.004-04:00

I have been writing notes and messages to all the people who have expressed sympathy to me & Dean. These are some of the thoughts I've had.

I wrote this to my friend Chrissine Rios of exoticleopard.com Chrissine is trying to help me get another little Bengal to go with the one I will be getting from woodlandbengals.com.

I still feel Mariah's spirit with me. She was that special cat just for me that set off a whole series of events. I feel Shelby too. She was so quiet and sweet. I keep seeing her in my peripheral vision. She was so much a part of the house. I keep stepping over her in the dark even though she isn't there.

I wrote the following to Bengal Circus on bengalchatter.com

I am not that strong but I am trying to be strong. I cry at specific times: When I'm in the shower and when I get into bed. Mariah used to sit behind the shower curtain and poke me while I took a shower. Every once in a while she would slide right into the tub and get soaked. So I always think of her in there. She also loved to sleep with me. She always wanted to be tucked under my chin & she'd knead my neck (ouch!). Seamus would try to curl up with me and Mariah would head butt him right out of the way every time. And if Seamus got there before she did, Mariah would sink her little teeth in Seamus' rear end or his neck until he gave up and went away!
Shelby would join us in the morning. She would quietly curl up at about my waist and let out little squeeks when I would scratch her back. She would roar like a cougar at Seamus though. They were territorial about me and the kitten.
So I cry in the shower and and in my bed. But I must bathe and sleep. And for now, cry...sometimes.

I don't want to sleep. But I am so tired.

Two fresh little graves

2008-10-22T20:37:00.004-04:00

This is unfathomable. Who would ever believe that it would happen this way. We now have two fresh little graves in the back yard.

I told Dean that sometimes everything in your life has to collapse so you can build it back up again the way it needs to be. Sometimes change is gradual and other times, like now, its drastic.

We will build our cat family back up again. I spoke to Missy Strayer-the Bengal breeder from whom we got Mariah (Woodland Bengals) & she has kittens now or we can wait for a kitten from a litter coming a little later.

Look at woodlandbengals.com and check out the girl named Athena and the boy called George of the Jungle. They are being bred now.

And--and this is really unbelievable, Richard Norton--whose cats are famous on youtube-- has offered me a kitten for free if I pay for the shipping. After all the vet bills the idea of paying anything for anything is scary.

But just look at them:
http://home.no.net/rhnorton/kattunger.htm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JGToWKqvpk

Its hard to imagine getting another cat right now but honestly how can someone hurt when they are holding a kitten?

Why Shelby now?

2008-10-22T10:51:00.004-04:00

Through something totally unrelated to Mariah's illness, we have lost Shelby this morning. She was perfectly fine asleep next to Dean when he heard her make a strange sound. She raised her head for a moment then dropped it. She was dead of what the vet presumes was an undiagnosed cardio myopathy.

She had a heart attack and died instantly.

Dean is absolutely shattered. The other cats are not aware yet. I am numb. I can't really absorb it and am trying not to become detached. This has happened. There is a reason that we don't understand. A plan is in place that we are just a part of.

These are two unrelated events. A not quite five month old kitten dies of a horrible disease on Monday and an eight year old seemingly healthy cat dies instantly on Wednesday. What is happening to us?

Seamus and Elvis are loving us right now. Seamus knows I am sad and is rubbing me and sitting in my lap. Elvis just looks at us with his intelligent eyes. He has been with Shelby for her whole life. They are like bookends. One without the other doesn't make any sense. And I hope he can function without her.

We love you Shelby.

Good-bye Mariah.

2008-10-20T19:12:00.003-04:00

My poor little Bengal kitten has left the earth. After many tests, examinations, discussions and hours and hours of observation, we had to put Mariah to sleep.

Her symptoms were horrific--I don't think I can list them here. I might be able to some day but not right now. She had almost all the symptoms of FIP. She probably had a predisposition for FIP to mutate into a deadly form.

She wanted to live. We could tell. But it kept knocking her down, over and over again. Now she is at rest.

I feel like she is resting in my heart. Its hard to explain but this kitty was my little love. I think she changed me.

I can't write much more now. I am exhausted

But allow me to thank everyone for loving Mariah.

Mariah is suffering

2008-10-20T12:24:00.003-04:00

Mariah's symptoms have worsened. We picked her up at the Emergency Vet hospital this morning and her fever was back. We took her to the regular vet and he ran more blood tests. She is at home but she is unable to walk or even sit up without falling.

All the vets have said she probably has FIP--the "dry" kind--that is her belly isn't swollen. If she is that sick at least she isn't dealing with the discomfort of a belly filled with fluid. But she is suffering. If it is FIP she will not live.

Basically any infection or disease that causes neurological symptoms like this is almost always fatal according to what I am reading. There are treatments that we will discuss with the vets and then we will decide how to proceed. I have never believed in putting an animal through painful procedures if there is little hope of restoring it to complete health. The vet plainly states that FIP is fatal.

When we took her to the first vet yesterday he put the possibility that she would die right on the table. I guess it was good that I started to prepare right away.

The breeder--Missy Strayer of Woodland Bengals has been extremely supportive through this ordeal. She loves the Bengal kittens that she raises and is happy when they thrive and sad when they don't. She has generously offered to give us another kitten if Mariah doesn't survive.

This is not because Mariah was defective--the virus can mutate in any cat. There is no way to predict or prevent this from happening. The vet made it clear that it was no one's fault. She made that offer because she is kind. I believe this is breaking her heart too.

I am preparing myself for the worst. But I am still praying for her to be healed. If that is not to be, then my prayer is that Dean & I get through this.

Where there's life, there's hope

2008-10-19T19:59:00.003-04:00

When I called the vet tonight I was told that Mariah's fever had dropped and her neurological symptoms (ataxia) and eye discoloration had cleared. They were really surprised by this. They were also equally amazed that she was eating and drinking and purring!

Just this morning the vet offered no hope--none. Her fever had not dropped. But some time during the day she improved.

I am going to pick her up in the morning and bring her to the regular vet. I am going to continue to pray that she gets better. And somehow, we will bring home a healthy cat. We want her to LIVE AND BE HEALTHY!!

We may lose Mariah

2008-10-19T07:52:00.003-04:00

Mariah, our precious almost five month old Bengal kitten, is at the emergency vet. She is extremely ill with what could be Feline Infectious Peritonitis (FIP). The vet is not certain yet but if she has FIP, she will die.

I am in shock. I am sick with worry and grief. I am trying to have trust in God that all of this is eventually going to work out somehow. Some day I will be able to smile and feel good. But today I am weak with sadness, dread and confusion.

And if she has FIP, that means all of the other cats in the house could also be infected. If she has FIP then Shelby, Seamus and Elvis have been exposed. It is possible that we could lose all four cats. That would be the absolute worst possibility.

But she might not have it. She has been extremely sleepy and lethargic. Unsteady. She fell down a few times. The vet calls that ataxia. She has had a fever even though I gave her clavamox. The iris of one eye is darker than the other presumably from blood. I am not sure. The blood tests were inconclusive but the emergency vet will not give us any hope.

She is at the vet for the rest of the weekend. We will take her to the regular vet on Monday and they will look at all of the tests they gave her in the last month and a half to see if they missed anything.

At this point we can't determine what is going to happen because we don't know what is wrong with her. So we wait. And I am supposed to carry on.

Carry on? This is happening when I have so many work and church commitments that I would be stressed out without this anxiety. So I am praying and trying to find ways to remember that there is still joy in the world. I am trying to remember that everything, no matter how horrendous, eventually passes and turns into something good.

I am trying to use all of the teachings from the Bible that I have learned in church and Sunday School to get through this.

We love Mariah. She has touched us. We pray that she will be healed and will come home to us. We pray that she will be a part of our family for many years to come. We pray that all of our cats will be healthy. We pray that someday we will understand why this happened and accept it.

If you are reading this please pray for my kitten, my cats, Dean and me.

Savannah City Hall

2008-10-15T21:09:00.003-04:00

More Pictures from Savannah

2008-10-15T20:51:00.005-04:00

I went to the Paula Deen restaurant tonight--Lady and Sons tonight. I am stuffed. I hardly ate anything though. I was completely intimidated by the shear size of the chicken pot pie. I took a few stabs at it and gave up. My friends laughed at me! Oh well. It would have been funnier if I had eaten it.

More pictures of Savannah.

These are pictures of the view from the conference room. We were working very hard but it wasn't boring. There were yachts and tugs and ferries and container ships going by! What a view!

Savannah trip

2008-10-14T23:23:00.002-04:00

Here are more pictures. Had dinner in a little oyster place on the river.

Miss my Cats!

2008-10-14T14:45:00.004-04:00

I am in beautiful Savannah on a trip for work. Hopefully I will see more than the inside of a conference room. I do miss the cats though. Especially Mariah--That sweet thing!

More Bengal cat Mariah pictures

2008-10-04T16:38:00.002-04:00

2008-10-04T16:32:00.003-04:00

Mariah's Family

2008-10-04T16:22:00.003-04:00

RWSGC Bengaland Divinci Domino of Woodlands is Mariah's Great Great Great Grandmother. CH George Of The Jungle is her father. They are very beautiful. Please check them out!!! There is a lot of information at the Bengaland website. That is where Domino came from.

Maria's beautiful rosettes

2008-10-04T16:09:00.004-04:00

Mariah is getting so big that I can't pick her up with one hand easily anymore. Up until last week I could just scoop her up with one hand and carry her around. Now I have to hold her against my side if I am trying to carry her with one hand. She is gorgeous! She is also big enough to be on the screened in porch. She can scamper along the railing now.

I don't have a picture of her mother. but there is a picture of her Great Great Great Grandmother on the breeder's webpage. And there is a picture of her father on his breeder's webpage.

Rain Rain go away!

2008-09-26T17:38:00.002-04:00

It is raining cats! And its cold! I don't like it & I want to eat pasta and go to sleep.

Where is my time?

2008-09-24T19:36:00.003-04:00

Sometimes I think there are only split seconds during the day when I am doing something that I want to do. The rest of my time is spent trying to accomplish impossible tasks dreamed up by someone else.

I can never get anything done that I want to do---that is a given. But the really messed up thing is that I can never get anything done that anyone else wants me to do either.

I am the very picture of frustration. Much of this rant is because of work--yes. But the rest of it has to do with home. There is no time for anything fun. There is just work and exhaustion. There is sleep but not enough.

There are things to clean. I have to clean them. I clean them and they are already dirty by the time I'm done cleaning them. Why bother? And its never good enough. Why is that?

Why is what I do not good enough?

So here is the question: Why bother doing anything? Someone will just tell me I can't do it right anyway.

I am. Does anyone have a problem with that??

Can I have a moment? Can I be for a moment? Can I just be, anymore?

I twist myself into some pretty uncomfortable positions being the obligatory me. Why do that here?

For the next little while, I am going to post about what I want to do and be. I am going to write about myself.

Today I am rebellious.

Anyone out there with me on this?

Follow my indigo sea

2008-09-20T10:21:00.004-04:00

Hey! Notice at the bottom of my blog I have added "Follow my indigo sea". Add yourself there and please feel free to comment on my blog. I am trying to be more active here and to include stuff that people are interested in. If you have any questions about me and my extremely interesting life (ironic laugh), please comment on my posts!!

Saturday!!!! Bengal filming day....

2008-09-20T10:08:00.004-04:00

I love Saturdays. Its a beautiful day here and I have all day to catch up on the stuff I can't do during the week. I get to clean the house for one thing. I don't like to clean really but I do like the house better when it is clean.

Also, if I clean around here, I can make more videos of the cats for youtube. I like making videos. I admit they are not the best quality right now but I am trying. I had to teach myself the use the camera and the editing software. I wish I could just know how to do it. But like with anything new, you just have to do it til you know how. If I waited for someone to teach me, I would never have filmed the kitten when she was tiny.

We love Mariah. The other cats love Mariah. We are very happy we have her. I will always miss my kitty Indigo. Always. But my heart is healing with the help of this little Bengal kitten.

Please watch the videos on youtube. My channel is http://www.youtube.com/user/seamuskitty

There are lots of other channels that I like listed in my subscriptions. One very good one is http://www.youtube.com/user/RichardNorton it is a bit full of drama but the videos of the Bengal cats are top rate.

More later! Hug your kitties and make sure they know you love them.

More Mariah all the time

2008-09-13T23:54:00.005-04:00

I have been doing little more than working and taking care of the kitten. She is growing so fast. I swear she goes to sleep one size and wakes up larger. We love her. More pictures!

Mariah on Youtube

2008-09-12T12:50:00.002-04:00

I have been learning to make videos and post them on Youtube. Check them out at http://www.youtube.com/user/seamuskitty
Mariah was also the Thursday "guest kitty" on another Youtube channnel. See her at
http://www.youtube.com/user/fiveawesomekitties

Any advice on making videos would be appreciated!

My Bengal's cat family

2008-09-09T19:50:00.004-04:00

Mariah and Seamus

2008-09-09T07:24:00.006-04:00

Not the best week-Sick Seamus

2008-09-08T13:55:00.003-04:00

Last week my poor kitty Seamus got deathly ill. He is better now--let me say that right off because I know how much people love my beige tabby.

He stopped eating and drinking. Tuesday & completely withdrew from everyone. I won't be graphic about the intestinal and stomach issues but lets just say he had some nasty symptoms. We honestly thought he was going to die. He looked that bad. I could feel every bone in his back, when he let me close enough to pat him. I was heart broken.

I have had that cat since 1996 when I took him home from work one day in California. I worked as a Technical Service Representative for Noritsu America Corp. and a call came to our office from the loading dock that a kitten was found by the forklift drivers. I don't know what got into me but I just jumped out of my chair and ran out there.

There was an adorable but very dirty kitten in a cardboard box. The guys had given him some tuna and milk(yuck!) and it was just as cute as can be. I immediately said, "I want him!" I picked up the box and carried him back to my desk.

I rigged up a little pen for him with an large upended milk crate and in threw a spare sweatshirt. He meowed a bit but just fell asleep as peacefully as an angel. He was filthy. His back was covered with black grease and he looked like he was only a month or so old. I suspected he had fleas and other gross parasites as well. He was friendly and had an innocent, sweet expression.

He stayed next to my desk til lunchtime then I took him to the vet and told him to clean him up. The vet just looked at me like I was crazy but said he would do his best. When I went back after work the vet presented me with a clean, beige short haired tabby. He told me the cat was probably 4 months old and weighed 4 lbs. Tiny! He had wormed him, treated him for ear mites, fleas and ticks. The kitten didn't even look like the same animal except that he was still sweet and happy to see me again.

I took the kitty home and put him on the floor in front of my 70 lb. Gordon Setter Jenny. The kitten arched his back and hissed at her. Jenny was fascinated--was not aggressive at all. Jenny was a lovely dog and by the end of the first evening, the new kitty--Seamus was curled up with Jenny in the dog bed. And the rest, is history. 12 years later, Jenny is long gone but Seamus is still with me. More about his adventures with me later. He has lived in 10 different homes with me and has traveled across country. What a cat!

Bengal Cat Mariah Rules the World

2008-08-31T08:49:00.003-04:00

Here she is!!!!!

Name that kitty!

2008-08-24T19:05:00.003-04:00

Well we finally took the plunge and made an addition to our family. Here is our new Bengal kitten. We got her this afternoon and she is a sweetheart. No name but we love her already. The other cats haven't seen her yet. But they know something is going on. They are curious but they won't get to meet her for a few days. She needs to go to the vet and get used to being away from home.

So far she has been as calm as can be.

We got her from Woodland Bengals. See woodlandbengals.com
Her mother's name is Woodland Divinci Carmeletta and her dat is CH Alexanders George of the Jungle. She was born June 1.

Our first child together.

Seeking Bengal kitten!

2008-08-21T19:37:00.002-04:00

I have been very busy looking for a new kitten. I was very sad about Indigo--preoccupied, depressed, obsessed, angry, inconsolable and beyond grief-stricken. The only thing that could get me beyond losing my cat was to think about getting a new cat. It worked.

I have been thinking about Bengal cats for the last month or so. Reading and researching. Dean is happy I have stopped crying. And he is actually looking forward to getting a Bengal too. They are fascinating.

Just go on Youtube and search for Bengal cat and you will find countless videos about Bengals who run on exercise wheels, play in water, leap 7 feet in the air and fetch like a dog. You will also see them walking on a leash and snuggling luxuriously. They are bred from Asian Leopard cats. The Bengal I would buy would be at least 4 generations from the Asian Leopard cat. Completely domesticated but resembling a little leopard. Spots (rosettes) or marbles. Long beautiful tails, slinky, fast, clownish. I want one.

Check out bengalshowcats.com and exoticleopard.com

I will be seeing more cats this weekend. Wish me luck. I need to get a kitten that will be as fantastic as Indigo was. That is not an easy task. But I think that a Bengal will do it. Indigo was probably a Bengal mix. Only a true Bengal will be able to take his place....

Cakes and Bakes made this masterpiece

2008-07-20T20:27:00.001-04:00

My Bridesmaids

2008-07-20T20:22:00.000-04:00

Here's the Welch's

2008-07-20T20:21:00.001-04:00

There is love

2008-07-20T20:20:00.001-04:00

The long train

2008-07-20T20:19:00.001-04:00

It felt like I was being followed

2008-07-20T20:18:00.001-04:00

The fantastic dress

2008-07-20T20:16:00.001-04:00

My dress was a big hit.

Wedding-A little drama but no bloodshed.

2008-07-20T20:11:00.002-04:00

It went pretty well. It is kind of a blur to me right now. I just want to post pictures and write later!

So four more days

2008-07-01T13:49:00.002-04:00

Well its almost the big day. I have been consumed with wedding preparations and haven't kept up with my blog. Why does it take so long to coordinate an event that only lasts an afternoon?
Each wedding is a unique expression of the personality of the bride. The groom has an effect on the wedding planning but he really just sits back and waits til his cue.
It is so emotional for everyone involved because it is a huge life changing event. So all the participants and guests are kind of raw from the thought of it.
I am a bit raw from it. But I am officially declaring that my fun time has begun. I have planned every detail. I have tip toed and plowed through personality-crushing conflicts. I am ready to let it all play out gracefully. I am now going to join Dean and just show up and get married.

Beautiful Shower decor with no raindrops!!

2008-06-29T20:20:00.002-04:00

Wedding week started with a wild shower

2008-06-29T20:08:00.003-04:00

Wedding Shower-let the games begin

2008-06-29T20:05:00.001-04:00

The sunday school ladies threw a shower for me today! It was so much fun. We got lots of gifts & they made me a ribbon bonnet.

Good-bye Indigo

2008-06-11T10:24:00.002-04:00

Indigo never came home. We have tried everything to find him. I keep dreaming that he is with me then I wake up and he is gone. So which reality is the nightmare?
I raised the kitten after he was found with his littermates in the back of a PSNC Energy truck. He was tiny and just weaned. He grew into a large rambunctious cat with an extraordinarily long tail. He had so much energy and such a huge personality that it is almost impossible for me to understand that he is gone. He may not just be "gone", he may be dead.
Unfortunately, I have to deal with this and accept what is before me and move on. I can't keep holding onto my exquisite sadness because it is so hard to live that way.
Prolonged grief is so destructive to my ability to function. I need to not only function but to feel good and happy. There are so many reasons to be happy--Dean, Seamus, Shelby and Elvis. My home, my job, my health and my upcoming wedding.
So, Indigo--my precious, sweet cat. I will hold you in my heart forever and will always miss you. I am so happy I had you for as long as I did. Thank-you. I love you. Good-bye.

Lost kitty

2008-05-28T20:46:00.003-04:00

I can barely write this. The last time we saw Indigo was Friday, May 23. He has been gone 5 days. He never goes anywhere. He always shows up in the morning for his wet food. He has access to food in the basement any time he wants. He would not stay inside the house but he was inside a lot.
Indigo is a happy, sweet cat. We don't know what has happened to him. I am not dealing with it well. My heart is broken.

Back to work!

2008-05-19T12:24:00.003-04:00

I went back to work today after being out for only 2 weeks. I want my nap now but other than that I am pretty good. I hope it stays that way.
I drove to work and that was pretty scary. Its tough when you don't know how fast you are going or how far away everything is. I just kept telling myself, "I can do this, I can do this" over and over. But it was awful. I hope I can get home ok. I don't even want to try to drive in the dark.
I am just going to try to get to work and back every day for a while and then slowly try other things. I know the way to work and don't have to think to hard or make too many decisions. Its very strange but sometimes (a lot really) I can't tell where I am in relation to anything else. That sounds so bizarre but its true. Imagine being in a building that you have been in before but not knowing at all how to get from a room on one end of the building to another. Every way looks the same and you can't project yourself moving out of the space you are currently in. I am doing fine in the office but I am not going to walk into the plant without someone with me. I am disoriented enough.
I am glad to be at work and I am glad to be doing my job again. I am watching myself though. Everything gets worse when I get tired and I tend to get tired suddenly.

No Third Gentamicin Injection

2008-05-13T20:55:00.002-04:00

WOW! The doctor decided that since I was so sick last week, the balance function in my left ear is probably destroyed already. So he chose not to do a third gentamicin treatment and wait and see what happens. My hearing hasn't been affected adversely yet. The gentamicin probably wouldn't have made me sick again and it may harm my hearing. My balance isn't too bad right now so I am adapting.

I am rejoicing that I didn't need a third injection and if I never get vertigo again, I never will. This may be the end of it. I am hopeful.

So, can I plan my wedding (and the rest of my life) now?

A day of lucidity

2008-05-12T11:00:00.003-04:00

Today is the first day since May 2 that I feel like a human being. It took all this time to recover from the 2nd gentamicin treatment. But I have a 3rd injection tomorrow. I don't know what to expect from it but I am feeling a lot of dread.

I am glad that I could wait til I felt better before having my next treatment. I think this is working. I have not had a true vertigo attack since I started the gentamicin.

I am letting myself imagine a normal life again. I have been praying and envisioning myself better. It will happen.

So sick, when will it end?

2008-05-06T09:34:00.002-04:00

I wish I had something else to write about but I don't. I have been sick for 4 days and I don't feel like I am getting better. I think I am worse in the morning when I get up out of bed. I have been up since 7am but I am still nauseous and unsteady. I know I shouldn't but all I want to do is lay down again.

What am I going to do? I am just going to try my best today to walk as much as I can.

Called for wedding help

2008-05-05T08:24:00.002-04:00

I have contacted a lovely wedding planner in training to assist me for the next two months and on the day of the wedding. I am having so much trouble staying on track with the planning because of the Meniere's & the treatment that I gave in and raised the white flag.

If I don't take care of some things there will be problems on the big day.

How many days of this?

2008-05-05T08:17:00.003-04:00

The gentamicin is working and for that I am thankful. I guess I didn't realize this but if I never got dizzy that would mean that the gentamicin hadn't been able to get to the part of my ear it needed to get to. So the fact that I have been so ill means that it is working!

I don't like to be sick but this time it is good for me. How backwards it this? I am just going to have to put up with it.

I am going to try to to some work from home today. I can still use the computer, obviously. I just can't walk or drive too well!

Hey, mystery reader(s), if you are reading my posts about Meniere's please feel free to comment. I welcome your input.

Dizziness has set in

2008-05-04T08:18:00.002-04:00

The gentamicin has affected me finally. It hasn't gotten any worse but it has been constant. I am just unsteady and queasy. I am ok though.This is what was supposed to happen. I guess it just took two shots.

I dreamed I was driving really fast down a curvy mountain road. I kept driving off the road and coasting onto the grass. Then I'd get back on the road and just keep driving. Around and around. So I am dizzy even when I am asleep.

I don't know if I am ok to drive for real though. I think I will stay put.

Meniere's treatment effects now

2008-05-03T11:20:00.002-04:00

Well the gentamicin is having an effect now. I started feeling floaty and off balance last night. Very queasy. Its odd when different parts of your body feel like they have weights. I am also foggy. Apparently your brain can either think clearly or keep you upright. So I think I am going to nap today. Hopefully my eyes will continue to focus & I can either write or read.
I have to remember why I am doing this--I want to be well! I want to live and play and work and love.

I may lose more hearing-I probably will based on research. But I would risk that in order to have balance.

Joined Facebook

2008-05-02T12:56:00.001-04:00

How fun is that? I am finding people all over the place. And its very easy to communicate. Love it. Why did I wait so long?

Second Gentamicin

2008-05-02T12:52:00.003-04:00

I had my second gentamicin treatment this morning. It was not bad and so far, I am not dizzy. Just a bit queasy. It was like Fresca shot into my ear again but it didn't hurt. The tube was already in place so it was easy.
The doctor said its possible that I may not need any more if I manage not to have vertigo for two weeks! That would be the most awesome. I was really sick and I don't want to be anymore.

Wedding music- Dance of the Brides?

2008-05-01T12:46:00.007-04:00

We are making great progress in choosing music for the wedding ceremony. I think there will be classical in the church and folk/country at the reception. If the reception was not at the church too, the music would be very different. This Baptist church will not allow the kids to have dances at the church so that means wedding receptions can't have dancing. Of course there is no drinking either. It will be a sweet and wholesome wedding. That is fine with me.
Dean is just glad that he doesn't have to dance. I like to dance but I don't want to do it in a big dress.
There seem to be a lot of sites with list of music choices. Since I can't tell what they are by the title, I go to Youtube and there is always a video of some orchestra playing the songs. Its kind of fun.
I told Dean I wanted to march down the aisle to Prokofiev's Dance of the Knights. I found a good recording of it at this site. http://www.goear.com/listen.php?v=4d37758 Take a listen and see what you think. You may remember it from the old Chanel ad for the man's cologne "Egoist". I thought it was perfect for me.
He got the joke. I am not going to use this for the wedding but it is a funny idea! I crack myself up.
I bet there are loads of people trying to choose wedding music. At first I was totally intimidated but now that I have been at it, I am ok. I have a big list. Dean has procured a pianist. We will get her a corsage. No one to sing though. No one wants to work on July 5.
Maybe I will sing? I couldn't sing before I went half deaf. I can't imagine how I must sound to other people. I sound fine to me, because I can't hear myself!!

Gentamicin Eve

2008-05-01T12:39:00.003-04:00

Well I still have not gotten the dizzy reaction. I have been trying to find out if this is normal but so far no one can define normal when Meniere's is concerned. Dean thinks the doctor meant I was going to keep getting injections til I got the dizzy reaction. Then I would compensate with my other ear. They would have worked if I stop having vertigo.
I can't remember what the doctor said because I was so sick at the time.
I have met some nice people at the menieres forum. They are full of information. The trouble is that everyone's experiences with this is different. So what might happen to one person may or may not happen to another.
I am not as nervous as I was last week. But wait til I am in the car on the way to Charlotte. I see Dr. Stephen Gold. He is straightforward and competent. I have a lot of respect for him. I have to remember to ask more questions though.

Found a forum

2008-04-30T12:44:00.002-04:00

I have joined http://www.menieres.org/forum. The people have been very nice. It is a relief to have someone to talk to. I think I have burned out everyone else. Hopefully even more people will find my blog too. Its good to know other people are going through this. I have been in such a state of crisis for months. I really thought I was just going to FREAK OUT! Now I feel better.

Not dizzy...still

2008-04-30T12:32:00.002-04:00

Well--I am still not dizzy. So I am concluding that the first gentamicin injection will not affect me before I go back for more on Friday. I am letting my guard down a little because I know I just have to get through another day before I am back in his office. So I have had four and a half good days.
What a blessing! Every freaking second that I don't have vertigo is astonishingly wonderful. I can have confidence about normal things like walking across a room. One day last week I was in an IHop and wanted to go to the ladies room. But it was way across the room. Dean had walked me into the restaurant by holding my hand and balancing me. But I just could not ask him to walk me to the ladies room in front of a bunch of lunchers. So I had to wait. Now that is just not acceptable.
I have slowly been able to focus on more of my duties at home and at work. Its good to know that if I start a project I will be able to finish it. A sustained Meniere's attack truly stops you in your tracks. Nothing gets done, and you don't care because it is more important that the world stops spinning before your eyes than to put a dish away for example. And there is no point to putting something in the oven if you don't know if you will be able to take it out again--without falling in!

When will the dizziness strike?

2008-04-29T12:50:00.003-04:00

No reaction from the gentamicin...yet. I feel like I am waiting for a bomb to go off. But I guess I may not be dizzy with just the first injection. It may take several.
So is it working? I have no idea.
Its also hard to explain to people who ask me how I am. I say I'm not dizzy. They say that's good. Then I say no its bad. I am supposed to get dizzy so I will know the gentamicin is working. They just look at me like I am standing on my head. I shouldn't have told anyone I was getting them.
Other than feeling like I am waiting for the moment of doom, I am ok. I have not wanted to do much wedding planning though. Once I calm down about the Meniere's, I will get back to work in earnest. As far as I know, most of the big stuff is all set up. I have to decide on exactly what is happening during the ceremony. And what music will be played. We are having problem getting a live person to sing or play on the holiday weekend. So we will probably have recorded music during the ceremony. That is not great but at this point the less fuss the better.

Oh I wish I could distract myself from the ear thing. I have been working on the wedding program. I like that. It distracts me. Its one of the things I can focus on.

I joined a Meniere's forum. The posts still scare me but I figured I may post something someone is interested in some day. So far I have just read.

Hey tinnitus! Shut-up! People are trying to think around here.

Like Fresca

2008-04-25T13:07:00.003-04:00

Well the Gentamicin treatment hurt. I can't lie.

The doctor discussed my options: Gentamicin, endolymphatic sac decompression and vestibular nerve section (vestibular neurectomy). I chose the gentamicin because it is non-surgical and is 90% effective.

Then he went ahead and gave me my first treatment. I was scared to death so I just wanted to get the first one over with. He numbed my ear by injecting an anesthetic into my eardrum--that was awful, awful awful. I thought that was it. But he was just starting. He put a tube in my ear-like they put in a child's ear. Then He injected the gentamicin through the tube. It was like having fresca poured into your ear! It fizzed and it sounded just like liquid pouring down a funnel. Yikes.

But now that the tube is there he will just have to put the gentamicin in, no more shots in the eardrum I hope.

I feel pretty good today--just really tired. I have not been dizzy or had vertigo. The doctor said there will be dizziness after 3 days when the gentamicin has had a chance to work. I am not looking forward to that but if it means it is working I will look forward to it.

It feels good to have done something to help myself. I can actually feel hope.

Take that Meniere's! HA, HA and fooey on you!

Why did the Irish girl go home?

2008-04-24T10:24:00.002-04:00

American Idol. I know I am supposed to vote so I should not be upset. But I really liked Carly Smithson. I really liked Michael Johns too. Maybe I just like accents.

Wedding Fog

2008-04-24T10:10:00.002-04:00

I can't remember what I have done and what I still need to do. All I know is that as the day approaches I want to do less and feel more. I want to enjoy my wedding day. So I guess I will just stop doing anything? No. Got to keep marching along.

What's up with people sending RSVP's without any name on them? I thought everyone knew that the big "M" on the card is where the guest writes "Mr. or Mrs." and then their name. But I am getting lots of RSVP's back without names at all. So I have some people who are coming but I have no clue who they are. And I have some people who are not coming but I have no clue who they are. So I guess I will know how many people are coming but who they are will be a great surprise for me. That is OK. It will be fun. No one is getting a place card though. It will be stadium seating.

So-invitees-I love all of you- but please write your names on your RSVPs! I don't know if anyone reads this blog or if I am writing into a vacuum but maybe if I send it out there somehow they will know. I am too embarrassed to call every invitee and ask if they could put their names on the cards. But I may have to.

The big swirly "M" is not just a decoration. Put Mr. or Mrs. or even Ms. so and so. So I will know who will come. XXOO!

Meniere's treatment

2008-04-23T13:00:00.003-04:00

So tomorrow Dr. Gold will hopefully do a gentamicin injection to start the treatment. I did NOT want to have to have any treatments for this buy evidently the Meniere's is having its way with my left ear.

It will not be too bad. I have to do it to hopefully rid myself of the vertigo attacks.

This is all very new to me. I don't know anyone else who has Meniere's. I would like to though. I haven't gotten involved with any of the on-line forums but I have read them. They sort of freak me out.

Wedding Preparations Continue

2008-04-23T10:14:00.003-04:00

I haven't posted for a long time because all of my spare moments have been spent preparing for the big event. It will be 1pm July 5 at First Baptist Church in Kings Mountain. It is only one afternoon but for some reason preparing for a wedding can take years. Its like organizing the Olympics or something.

So I have been buying dresses, picking theme colors, making favors, choosing and sending invitations and many many other nutty tasks. I don't know what I will do when it is all over. I guess I will spend time changing my name to Welch.

In the midst of the frenzy I have also felt the effects of the progression of Meniere's. I have vertigo attacks nearly every day. If you have never had one, you would not ever be able to imagine what it is like. Let's just say it makes you only care about making it stop.

Briefly, it is like this. I am going to write about it once and then that's it. Promise. First there is an odd feeling that I am receding from the world. I am going backward in space as if someone has wrapped a rubber band around my waist and is pulling me back and down. Also- it would be like going down the tallest part of a roller coaster-backward.

Then everything I see starts to spin counter clockwise. If you spun yourself around rapidly for about a minute you would see what I mean. The spinning is so dramatic that it is impossible to focus my eyes on anything at all. I absolutely can't read when this happens. My ear screeches its own special vertigo siren(Chain saw with coffee grinder accents).

The top of my head feels weighted. So if I move it I feel like it is going to tip over. So I don't want to even move my head. I sweat, my pupils dilate and sometimes I throw up. (Sorry-that was gross) but I need to get this all out, so to speak.

I can't walk without staggering. The cats run for their lives because then think I am going to step on them.

This lasts for hours. It happens several times a day. Antivert sometimes works but sometimes it doesn't.

So Thursday I am going to the specialist in Charlotte who will probably give me Gentamicin injections. A series of these injections should deaden the vestibular nerve from my left ear. This should help with the vertigo.

So that is it. My description of Meniere's vertigo.

The King!

2008-01-05T13:47:00.000-05:00

Elvis loves to eat. And sleep. And drag laundry around the house. He makes an unearthly howl when he can't find one of us or one of the other cats. He is beautiful and cuddly--like a plush toy.

Our home!

2008-01-05T13:44:00.000-05:00

The improvements will continue until our home is a virtual paradise!

Richard and Sara prepare Turkey

2008-01-05T13:34:00.000-05:00

Dean and I were happy to be with my family for Thanksgiving and Christmas.
We loooooove Richard, Sara, Joseph, William, Brianna, Lily, Thomas and Belle.