Good-bye Indigo

Indigo never came home. We have tried everything to find him. I keep dreaming that he is with me then I wake up and he is gone. So which reality is the nightmare?
I raised the kitten after he was found with his littermates in the back of a PSNC Energy truck. He was tiny and just weaned. He grew into a large rambunctious cat with an extraordinarily long tail. He had so much energy and such a huge personality that it is almost impossible for me to understand that he is gone. He may not just be "gone", he may be dead.
Unfortunately, I have to deal with this and accept what is before me and move on. I can't keep holding onto my exquisite sadness because it is so hard to live that way.
Prolonged grief is so destructive to my ability to function. I need to not only function but to feel good and happy. There are so many reasons to be happy--Dean, Seamus, Shelby and Elvis. My home, my job, my health and my upcoming wedding.
So, Indigo--my precious, sweet cat. I will hold you in my heart forever and will always miss you. I am so happy I had you for as long as I did. Thank-you. I love you. Good-bye.