Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Lost kitty

I can barely write this. The last time we saw Indigo was Friday, May 23. He has been gone 5 days. He never goes anywhere. He always shows up in the morning for his wet food. He has access to food in the basement any time he wants. He would not stay inside the house but he was inside a lot.
Indigo is a happy, sweet cat. We don't know what has happened to him. I am not dealing with it well. My heart is broken.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Back to work!

I went back to work today after being out for only 2 weeks. I want my nap now but other than that I am pretty good. I hope it stays that way.
I drove to work and that was pretty scary. Its tough when you don't know how fast you are going or how far away everything is. I just kept telling myself, "I can do this, I can do this" over and over. But it was awful. I hope I can get home ok. I don't even want to try to drive in the dark.
I am just going to try to get to work and back every day for a while and then slowly try other things. I know the way to work and don't have to think to hard or make too many decisions. Its very strange but sometimes (a lot really) I can't tell where I am in relation to anything else. That sounds so bizarre but its true. Imagine being in a building that you have been in before but not knowing at all how to get from a room on one end of the building to another. Every way looks the same and you can't project yourself moving out of the space you are currently in. I am doing fine in the office but I am not going to walk into the plant without someone with me. I am disoriented enough.
I am glad to be at work and I am glad to be doing my job again. I am watching myself though. Everything gets worse when I get tired and I tend to get tired suddenly.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

No Third Gentamicin Injection

WOW! The doctor decided that since I was so sick last week, the balance function in my left ear is probably destroyed already. So he chose not to do a third gentamicin treatment and wait and see what happens. My hearing hasn't been affected adversely yet. The gentamicin probably wouldn't have made me sick again and it may harm my hearing. My balance isn't too bad right now so I am adapting.

I am rejoicing that I didn't need a third injection and if I never get vertigo again, I never will. This may be the end of it. I am hopeful.

So, can I plan my wedding (and the rest of my life) now?

Monday, May 12, 2008

A day of lucidity

Today is the first day since May 2 that I feel like a human being. It took all this time to recover from the 2nd gentamicin treatment. But I have a 3rd injection tomorrow. I don't know what to expect from it but I am feeling a lot of dread.

I am glad that I could wait til I felt better before having my next treatment. I think this is working. I have not had a true vertigo attack since I started the gentamicin.

I am letting myself imagine a normal life again. I have been praying and envisioning myself better. It will happen.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

So sick, when will it end?

I wish I had something else to write about but I don't. I have been sick for 4 days and I don't feel like I am getting better. I think I am worse in the morning when I get up out of bed. I have been up since 7am but I am still nauseous and unsteady. I know I shouldn't but all I want to do is lay down again.

What am I going to do? I am just going to try my best today to walk as much as I can.

Monday, May 5, 2008

Called for wedding help

I have contacted a lovely wedding planner in training to assist me for the next two months and on the day of the wedding. I am having so much trouble staying on track with the planning because of the Meniere's & the treatment that I gave in and raised the white flag.

If I don't take care of some things there will be problems on the big day.

How many days of this?

The gentamicin is working and for that I am thankful. I guess I didn't realize this but if I never got dizzy that would mean that the gentamicin hadn't been able to get to the part of my ear it needed to get to. So the fact that I have been so ill means that it is working!

I don't like to be sick but this time it is good for me. How backwards it this? I am just going to have to put up with it.

I am going to try to to some work from home today. I can still use the computer, obviously. I just can't walk or drive too well!

Hey, mystery reader(s), if you are reading my posts about Meniere's please feel free to comment. I welcome your input.

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Dizziness has set in

The gentamicin has affected me finally. It hasn't gotten any worse but it has been constant. I am just unsteady and queasy. I am ok though.This is what was supposed to happen. I guess it just took two shots.

I dreamed I was driving really fast down a curvy mountain road. I kept driving off the road and coasting onto the grass. Then I'd get back on the road and just keep driving. Around and around. So I am dizzy even when I am asleep.

I don't know if I am ok to drive for real though. I think I will stay put.

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Meniere's treatment effects now

Well the gentamicin is having an effect now. I started feeling floaty and off balance last night. Very queasy. Its odd when different parts of your body feel like they have weights. I am also foggy. Apparently your brain can either think clearly or keep you upright. So I think I am going to nap today. Hopefully my eyes will continue to focus & I can either write or read.
I have to remember why I am doing this--I want to be well! I want to live and play and work and love.

I may lose more hearing-I probably will based on research. But I would risk that in order to have balance.

Friday, May 2, 2008

Joined Facebook

How fun is that? I am finding people all over the place. And its very easy to communicate. Love it. Why did I wait so long?

Second Gentamicin

I had my second gentamicin treatment this morning. It was not bad and so far, I am not dizzy. Just a bit queasy. It was like Fresca shot into my ear again but it didn't hurt. The tube was already in place so it was easy.
The doctor said its possible that I may not need any more if I manage not to have vertigo for two weeks! That would be the most awesome. I was really sick and I don't want to be anymore.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Wedding music- Dance of the Brides?

We are making great progress in choosing music for the wedding ceremony. I think there will be classical in the church and folk/country at the reception. If the reception was not at the church too, the music would be very different. This Baptist church will not allow the kids to have dances at the church so that means wedding receptions can't have dancing. Of course there is no drinking either. It will be a sweet and wholesome wedding. That is fine with me.
Dean is just glad that he doesn't have to dance. I like to dance but I don't want to do it in a big dress.
There seem to be a lot of sites with list of music choices. Since I can't tell what they are by the title, I go to Youtube and there is always a video of some orchestra playing the songs. Its kind of fun.
I told Dean I wanted to march down the aisle to Prokofiev's Dance of the Knights. I found a good recording of it at this site. Take a listen and see what you think. You may remember it from the old Chanel ad for the man's cologne "Egoist". I thought it was perfect for me.
He got the joke. I am not going to use this for the wedding but it is a funny idea! I crack myself up.
I bet there are loads of people trying to choose wedding music. At first I was totally intimidated but now that I have been at it, I am ok. I have a big list. Dean has procured a pianist. We will get her a corsage. No one to sing though. No one wants to work on July 5.
Maybe I will sing? I couldn't sing before I went half deaf. I can't imagine how I must sound to other people. I sound fine to me, because I can't hear myself!!

Gentamicin Eve

Well I still have not gotten the dizzy reaction. I have been trying to find out if this is normal but so far no one can define normal when Meniere's is concerned. Dean thinks the doctor meant I was going to keep getting injections til I got the dizzy reaction. Then I would compensate with my other ear. They would have worked if I stop having vertigo.
I can't remember what the doctor said because I was so sick at the time.
I have met some nice people at the menieres forum. They are full of information. The trouble is that everyone's experiences with this is different. So what might happen to one person may or may not happen to another.
I am not as nervous as I was last week. But wait til I am in the car on the way to Charlotte. I see Dr. Stephen Gold. He is straightforward and competent. I have a lot of respect for him. I have to remember to ask more questions though.