Where is my time?

Sometimes I think there are only split seconds during the day when I am doing something that I want to do. The rest of my time is spent trying to accomplish impossible tasks dreamed up by someone else.

I can never get anything done that I want to do---that is a given. But the really messed up thing is that I can never get anything done that anyone else wants me to do either.

I am the very picture of frustration. Much of this rant is because of work--yes. But the rest of it has to do with home. There is no time for anything fun. There is just work and exhaustion. There is sleep but not enough.

There are things to clean. I have to clean them. I clean them and they are already dirty by the time I'm done cleaning them. Why bother? And its never good enough. Why is that?

Why is what I do not good enough?

So here is the question: Why bother doing anything? Someone will just tell me I can't do it right anyway.

I am. Does anyone have a problem with that??

Can I have a moment? Can I be for a moment? Can I just be, anymore?

I twist myself into some pretty uncomfortable positions being the obligatory me. Why do that here?

For the next little while, I am going to post about what I want to do and be. I am going to write about myself.

Today I am rebellious.

Anyone out there with me on this?

Follow my indigo sea

Hey! Notice at the bottom of my blog I have added "Follow my indigo sea". Add yourself there and please feel free to comment on my blog. I am trying to be more active here and to include stuff that people are interested in. If you have any questions about me and my extremely interesting life (ironic laugh), please comment on my posts!!

So four more days

Well its almost the big day. I have been consumed with wedding preparations and haven't kept up with my blog. Why does it take so long to coordinate an event that only lasts an afternoon?
Each wedding is a unique expression of the personality of the bride. The groom has an effect on the wedding planning but he really just sits back and waits til his cue.
It is so emotional for everyone involved because it is a huge life changing event. So all the participants and guests are kind of raw from the thought of it.
I am a bit raw from it. But I am officially declaring that my fun time has begun. I have planned every detail. I have tip toed and plowed through personality-crushing conflicts. I am ready to let it all play out gracefully. I am now going to join Dean and just show up and get married.

Like Fresca

Well the Gentamicin treatment hurt. I can't lie.

The doctor discussed my options: Gentamicin, endolymphatic sac decompression and vestibular nerve section (vestibular neurectomy). I chose the gentamicin because it is non-surgical and is 90% effective.

Then he went ahead and gave me my first treatment. I was scared to death so I just wanted to get the first one over with. He numbed my ear by injecting an anesthetic into my eardrum--that was awful, awful awful. I thought that was it. But he was just starting. He put a tube in my ear-like they put in a child's ear. Then He injected the gentamicin through the tube. It was like having fresca poured into your ear! It fizzed and it sounded just like liquid pouring down a funnel. Yikes.

But now that the tube is there he will just have to put the gentamicin in, no more shots in the eardrum I hope.

I feel pretty good today--just really tired. I have not been dizzy or had vertigo. The doctor said there will be dizziness after 3 days when the gentamicin has had a chance to work. I am not looking forward to that but if it means it is working I will look forward to it.

It feels good to have done something to help myself. I can actually feel hope.

Take that Meniere's! HA, HA and fooey on you!