Mariah, our precious almost five month old Bengal kitten, is at the emergency vet. She is extremely ill with what could be Feline Infectious Peritonitis (FIP). The vet is not certain yet but if she has FIP, she will die.
I am in shock. I am sick with worry and grief. I am trying to have trust in God that all of this is eventually going to work out somehow. Some day I will be able to smile and feel good. But today I am weak with sadness, dread and confusion.
And if she has FIP, that means all of the other cats in the house could also be infected. If she has FIP then Shelby, Seamus and Elvis have been exposed. It is possible that we could lose all four cats. That would be the absolute worst possibility.
But she might not have it. She has been extremely sleepy and lethargic. Unsteady. She fell down a few times. The vet calls that ataxia. She has had a fever even though I gave her clavamox. The iris of one eye is darker than the other presumably from blood. I am not sure. The blood tests were inconclusive but the emergency vet will not give us any hope.
She is at the vet for the rest of the weekend. We will take her to the regular vet on Monday and they will look at all of the tests they gave her in the last month and a half to see if they missed anything.
At this point we can't determine what is going to happen because we don't know what is wrong with her. So we wait. And I am supposed to carry on.
Carry on? This is happening when I have so many work and church commitments that I would be stressed out without this anxiety. So I am praying and trying to find ways to remember that there is still joy in the world. I am trying to remember that everything, no matter how horrendous, eventually passes and turns into something good.
I am trying to use all of the teachings from the Bible that I have learned in church and Sunday School to get through this.
We love Mariah. She has touched us. We pray that she will be healed and will come home to us. We pray that she will be a part of our family for many years to come. We pray that all of our cats will be healthy. We pray that someday we will understand why this happened and accept it.
If you are reading this please pray for my kitten, my cats, Dean and me.