I signed the Offer to Purchase and Contract to sell my house.
I feel a cold wretched emptiness accompanied by a warm euphoria. My arms are shaking and I am a bit short of breath. Such anxiety over a common act! Selling a house..big frakin deal. But it is me and I have already admitted being cranky. Now I must admit to being just a bit too sensitive.
I am happy to be selling my house. It is a relief to let go of a burden--a mortgage--and still have a place to live. My anxiety comes from letting go of MY home. I am living in my boyfriend's house after 10 years of living on my own, alone. Even though he has done everything he can to make me feel welcome, this is a drastic change for me.
It is a drastic change for him too. He has been living on his own alone in his house for 7 years. And he invited me, my 2 cats and all my earthly possessions into his house. I still don't know why he consented to this.
What a sweet, brave man.
My life has improved since I moved in with Dean. Every day is colorful and varied. Before I met him my days were sterile and cold. I spent my at-home time completely alone. Now there is a warm electrifying We. Like a new independent entity. The "We" decides what to do now and in the future.
This "We-ness" is growth. I embrace the brave new We.